Dare to Be Remarkable

A Witch's Grimoire

• Today was a wonderfully spent day with Mark going around to different stores and "window shopping." Mark bought me a few early Christmas presents which is what we've been doing this holiday season. Just getting each other gifts as they come - shop with each other. What I really want to give him for Christmas is his own place / area INSIDE the apartment (not just the porch closet - despite how extravagantly huge it is) - but his area - with a desk where he can store his stuff and decorate it with his things, etc. It'll be completely his space - his own area which I think is very crucial to him and myself. This apartment is our home and I don't want one of our personalities to dominate over the other ones because we're both pretty dominant, independent, individuals.
  
  • Anyways, we're giving his brother, Daniel our three seater couch for Christmas because he definitely needs more comfy seating room. But anyways, we've basically just used as our laundry couch for the past few months since we've moved in. We have enough couches - and the coaches were a great deal. $100 for the set.

• Anyways, Saturday at 2pm, we hit the road and we were planning on exploring the stuff / stores we hadn't visited before. Unfortunately several pagan / wiccan / metaphysical stores have closed down (i.e. Natural Magic, etc), but there's a place called Ancient Mysteries on S. 1st street. He ended buying me a wonderful Chakra healing wand - it's beautiful and majestic. Similar to the one below, but a bit different. We got a great deal apparently though because at http://www.peacefulmind.com/energy_medicine.htm - it's selling for $90. Mark spent a lot of time putting positive energy and thoughts into it. I love him so much - it's perfect.
  
  • Description: Medium Chakra Wand A wand is simply an extension of our subconscious. Used as a healing tool, a wand can "direct energy" where it needs to go, connect energy from one place to another as in a grid or can be used as a massage tool, energy transformer or metaphysical conduit.
    Wands designed from crystal can take advantage of their metaphysical/healing properties and can assist in the healing and harmonizing process. No matter which level someone is in tune to, the door is open to access the relevant energy through the crystals. These stones have the balanced energy of each Chakra within them. The crystal wand creates a flow of energy through the stones and can work off either your conscious or subconscious mind, depending on your goals.
    Designed to help realign and balance the energy fields of each specific Chakra, based on their crystals, the wand will harmonize body, mind and spirit. It will assist in dissolving stress, removing blocks and help create an overall sense of better health, joy and abundance. This wand contains:
    

    1st: Root - Garnet or Apache Tear
    2nd: Navel - Carnelian or Goldstone
    3rd: Solar - Citrine or Tiger Eye
    4th: Heart - Aventurine
    5th: Throat - Blue Lace Agate
    6th: Third Eye - Sodalite
    7th: Crown - Amethyst
    

    All Medium Chakra Wands are approximately 6-7 inches long. Each wand is individually hand crafted. They come with a velvet pouch and information card.

• I guess in a way I'm turning to faith - my kind of religion - I've always tended to be more attracted to the Wicca / Paganism since I was a young teen. Not because of the goth phase - but I honestly really got into the actual religion and metaphysics itself over the years, I've had to subdue it because more important things came first, but I think now would be a great time to find myself my religion, my peace. So I've started, as a beginner, to get into it again - to provide me with insights - in a way that fits me best. Religion is a complicated things and I believe that it is different for everyone and no one should force their beliefs onto someone else.

• I also splurged with some extra money I had on a personally hand made rune set that perfectly resonated with me through Etsy.com. I can't wait to receive them -- I love things that are personally made and matches my aura / me completely. I searched through a lot of different kinds of runes and I chose the classic Elder Futhark Alphabet pictured here: http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=22115234 but with the Wyrd Rune added in and it'll be a mix of more colors. They were a bit expensive but I take the divination tools very seriously - divination tends to run through the mother's side of my family. I can't wait to get them. Eeek!
  • I have to do more research on how to correctly use them for divination.
  • The internet offers some fantastic resources though!

• I also found a great book at Half-Price books called the Witch's Grimoire: Create Your Own Book of Shadows which seemed perfect for a familiar beginner and I love the pages and the guidance - it seems quite practical. Plus I still have some books at home that my mom got me and I had gotten earlier that will be helpful to go through. And I've decided to use the wonderfully leather journal that I got from the Renaissance Festival last year to record my religious journey.

• Oh, another item added to my Christmas List: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35458092. I collect beautiful, unique journals - sometimes they're very inexpensive but they can get fairly expensive too - but I use multiple ones for different reasons. I can't just have one nor one medium.

• I got Mark another small Christmas present today (Ross has the weirdest things by the way) but we got a much better fish take for Romanzo, our beta fish who seemed like he was on the verge of dying soon. But this new take is purple acrylic and glass, has a pump and filter, and a light for the fishy. Yay, for Romanzo!

• I have so much homework to do today - damn it - case study exam to study for - homework to catch up on - finishing my MKT460 project.

• Today's Horoscope: "You have already begun to transform an idea into reality, and today's impulsive Aries Moon gives you another burst of adrenaline to get the job done. Although you have a lot of extra energy that you'll be able to rely on, it could be a challenge to sustain it over a longer period of time. Remember; don't burn up your resources so quickly. It's smarter to slow down and make them last."

• I've decided to start keeping a journal that focuses purely on my mental/emotional states - basically writing down everything i think and feel at the point in time. In order to gain insight and a better understand of what exactly is going on with myself and myself in general. And I'm starting therapy on Tuesday - I can't flake out.

• I'm doing MKT460 Homework and searching for Christmas presents at the same time. I haven't slept all night - just been doing work. From 3:30am to 6:30am, I went to go hang out with Will and he had some friends over - we chilled, chatted - I did some homework. But Mark griped at me a lot and made me feel bad. I wasn't doing anything wrong so I'm a bit annoyed. There's times where I'm clingy too, but there's also a lot of days / nights that he goes out for hours. He knew where I was and he was invited along - I just ended up wanting to hang out longer than I had initially intended. He shouldn't gripe at me for that. I rarely go out in the first place. *sigh*

• Today is my Dad's birthday - I'm on the phone with him right now - I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday early on, but we are actually having a long, insightful, nice conversation. It's really refreshing and my dad is being a dad - he's trying to understand my situation and give me advice while staying open and listening to me. It's really nice. And he seemed really happy to hear from me. Initially, since I called so early, his first thought was, "Uh oh - something's wrong." Haha, at least I could start his birthday off right.
  • He told me that he may seem harsh with me, in my opinion, but it's just because he has extremely high expectations for me because he believes in my capabilities to excel. That was really nice to hear honestly.

• I'm getting really nervous about my meeting with the counselor/therapist at school on Tuesday - I wonder if I'll get to drop finance. . . I hope so - I feel so screwed in that class.

• Today's Horoscope: "You have already begun to transform an idea into reality, and today's impulsive Aries Moon gives you another burst of adrenaline to get the job done. Although you have a lot of extra energy that you'll be able to rely on, it could be a challenge to sustain it over a longer period of time. Remember; don't burn up your resources so quickly. It's smarter to slow down and make them last."
  • Insightfully accurate and reflectiv
    
• I've decided to start keeping a journal that focuses purely on my mental/emotional states - basically writing down everything i think and feel at the point in time when I have the chance to write it down. So I can obtain a better understanding of what is going on with myself.
  
• I wish I could say everything that i want to say and think in this journal - but working with social media - web 2.0 - has definitely taught me to be more careful with what I put out on the Internet for all to see - and I don't make my entries private - cause I just don't want to, but hence their is an apprehension before I publicize whatever I journal.
  
• I had to do a complete reinstall of WIndows 7 and all the other programs and re-set up my new netbook. Something went wrong and everything had to be redone unfortunately. But it's all good now - it was just time consuming. I did it between periods of doing laundry yesterday. I'm really tech-savvy to be honest.
  
• I actually have a lot of projects / tasks that I've taken on that I need to get started on / complete. I need to deal with school too and my parents (more specifically my dad) and his inability to understand what's going on with me.
  
• Tomorrow Mark and I plan on window shopping for his Christmas present and just window shop in general - so that the holiday spirit can finally kick in. Plus I have no money, so no harm can be done and it'll be fun. I can't wait. I'm super excited. We're going to go everywhere. I'd rather do this than Black Friday. It's calmer, and the holiday spirit and decorations just seem to finally kick in.
  
• I'm currently window shopping / surfing online and I'm making a Christmas List. I don't expect presents from my dad or family members anymore. My dad doesn't really believe in presents for birthdays or Christmas for his adult children. My mom sends me nice care packages from time to time though. But I thinking making a Christmas list will make me happy since I was seven and I learned that Santa did not exist (my letter to him was still in my empty stocking Christmas morning).
  • Juicy Couture Fairytale Watch: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3055972/0~2376788~6002242~6007599~6009946?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6009946&P=2.
    
• I'm currently also composing a list of literature about my situation for my parents to read over and try to grasp an understanding of me and it. Hopefully, it helps them be more compassionate about the subject. I sent them three really good sites - one complete, thorough one from the National Institute of Mental Health and two brief overview from Google Health and the Mayo Clinic

• "A cluttered desk is a sign of genius."

• Thanksgiving Meal was wonderful at Momo and Popo's. Absolutely delicious and I made adjustments to their laptop to make it easier for them to read and find things. I also spent a lot of time talking to Aunt Brenda (Dan's sister) about my current situation, my father, etc. It was really nice and she was completely understanding and we traded numbers, a nd she said that I could call her anytime I wanted to talk.

• Thanksgiving Horoscope: "You may start the day with a tangible list of chores, but as the day progresses, you could grow less certain of your ability to hold up your end of the bargain. The best way to deal with this energetic shift is to fulfill your obligations as soon as possible, leaving you the freedom to indulge in pleasure once you are done. Demonstrate your integrity by being dependable prior to escaping into your dreams later on in the day."

• Laundry will be completely finished before I go to bed tonight. Every single piece of laundry will be washed and put away in it's proper place. Everything will be clean. I am determined and will do this.
  • Mark has been great when I ask him, very nicely, to do something. No resentful attitude - even when he forgets - i'm working on being patience, and i just gently remind him. It's nice to see this change.

• I wish I had a needle and some thread - I need to fix a shirt. Hmm I actually might - forgot about my craft box! Yay!

• I'm dealing with a certain amount of frustration. . . my dad and I are at odds about various things. I'm upset that he's been here in Austin since pretty much Friday and is leaving tomorrow. Yet, he can't even make the time or the drive to come over and see my apartment. To see that I'm not living in some dingy POS, that I'm doing well for myself. He should have at least enough respect for me as an adult to come and see the fruits of my labor - my home that I love and cherish..I work hard and I deserve things from time to time. Yes, I have debt, but I'm steadily paying it off. I'm making great progress. . . and I've never really actually done badly at all, on any relative level.
  • Honestly, he just came down here to purchase an exorbitantly expensive bike for his 56th birthday - which is great and all and within his own right- but what aggravates me is his reluctance to help his daughter financially (even a plain $20 bucks here or there) or even in a just a plain supportive matter without criticizing me or judging me. It's ridiculous. And just because we're over the age of 18 doesn't mean that birthday's and Christmas stop being celebrated. Presents are ways to show people that you love them. You may have the disposable income to buy whatever you want (which for the most part you do) and for Mom to buy most of what she wants, but that doesn't justify your purchase as better than mine. There's always a BUT . . .
  • Daddy, I love you, and I've learned a great deal from you, but I'm NOT you. Don't get me wrong, I take your advice into consideration - it doesn't just go in one ear and out the other - but I have my own ways of doing things. My mental processes are different than yours. I think outside the box; I'm not limited to the confinement that there is just one way to do things to reach success. There are many paths, and furthermore, success is defined differently for different people.
• I wish he would be more supportive and have more faith in me. He thinks that it's ridiculous that I want to take a semester off between graduating from UT and grad school. I would continue working temporarily as an intern (where? I'm not sure yet), but it'll give me time to truly dedicate my time to my applications and studying for the GMAT. He says that makes no sense, why make $15-$20 an hour after you graduate - what does that say about me?
  • What it says is that I'm choosing to make it a temporary situation, where I can be better prepared for graduate school. I plan on getting my MBA, and I don't see anything wrong in taking a semester break to make sure I have things together. I deserve a break, especially if I'm supporting myself, I know what's right for me. I've never EVER taken a break even though there were plenty of times I should. Many people who graduate go through internships because they're planning on going to graduate school - it's an interim kind of thing. I know what's best for myself and I just wish he had a little faith.
  • Furthermore, I have always planned things out. Yes, I am an impulsive, whimsy person at times, but when it comes to important things like my future, I always have a plan. I just don't think the exact same way that he and my brother Alvin do and I don't mentally process things the way they do. I do things differently and my dad just doesn't get that. I don't write every single thing out; that's not how I work. I jot down notes here and there, but my mind is constantly building my future - I know where I'm headed and how I plan to get there. That's how it has been my entire life. I didn't write down every single plan I had - but I was determined to get into McCombs and I had a plan that I followed through. I've made Summa Cum Laude (the highest accolade you can get in school); I've made the dean's list and honor roll; and I've even gotten honor cords. I'm a fifth year senior with 143 hours under my belt and my GPA is a rocking 3.4. I'm double majoring in economics and marketing with a minor in finance. I have grad schools emailing me constantly to consider them and apply.
  • All I'm asking for is some actual faith in the abilities of your child, a child who has never really done any wrong - whether or not she has mental health issues or not - just stand by her, be supportive, don't berate her for being medically dependent on medications. I can't control the chemical imbalances in my brain. It doesn't work like that.
    • I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14. I started cutting when I was 12. He chalks it up to the people I hung around with. My best friend in the world was and still is Rachel - one of the strongest, most positive people I know. He just refuses to accept the fact that it truly is a medical disorder / disease like diabetes or cancer. It's debilitating and a hindrance
  • Quit being so critical and judgmental. Sure - paying for my tuition and books certainly shows a certain amount of faith, and money makes the world go round. I've done nothing but been honest with him - and all I want is some unconditional faith and support. Not just a pat on the back. I don't think he gets that or me really. I think a lot of me baffles him and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I love my dad; his influence on my life has made me who I am, at least partly. But there's so much more that has influenced me.
• The truth of the matter is is that I'll never be good enough for my dad; I will never fulfill his dreams and goals and aspirations for me. BUT, in no way, am I a failure or will ever be a failure. Dad, please realize that I know that you just want me to do better, that you love me and wan't the best for me, but you can't live vicariously through me. I am a completely different person and you need to trust in the decisions that I make whether you fully understand them or not. You sent me off when I was sixteen to gain a competitive advantage, to learn how to be independent, and that is what I'm doing.
• So Thanksgiving is tomorrow - I'm tired. I worked today - saw my doctor - cleaned my apartment some more - and now it's time to chill with my boo.

• Wednesday's Horoscope: "You may be feeling a bit insecure today about showing others what you can do under pressure. Your worries, though, are likely unfounded, especially if you took time to prepare for your current performance. But even if you didn't do your homework, your enthusiasm should enable you to pull it off with style. Today is a lesson in the power of positive thinking."

• I am so sleepy and unmotivated today. I'm at work right now but I wish I could just go home and catch up on some sleep - sleep the day away. Gosh, that would be really really nice right now. My stomach hurts too. I need to stop waiting till super late at night when I'm starving and willing to eat fast food. Seriously, these fast food pits stops need to stop. I need to go grocery shopping instead.

• Apparently, my dad is coming into town tomorrow night and staying till Thanksgiving, when he'll return back to New England and spend Thanksgiving with my mom. I'm not sure where he's staying - probably Alvin's house. I doubt my apartment and definitely not Daniel's.I love seeing them but I hate having such little advanced notice, then when I realized WHY exactly, it slightly upset me. Perhaps it shouldn't, but it does.
  • He's apparently coming down to pick up a motorcycle that he just bought. I have to mention the fact that it cost more than my car - by several thousand. Apparently, my brother Alvin told me Dad use to ride a bike (what kind - I have no idea) when he was a young'un in Vietnam. Even so, I feel as if as its an unnecessary purchase whether or not he has the money to purchase it or not. That isn't the point.
  • The first thing that bothers me is that he should be spending this free time with my mom (and the money on the bike) to take her on a vacation or just simply spend some relaxing time with him at home.
  • The second thing is that, knowing the history of my parents and their shopping habits, this motorcycle will most likely go unused and just be another pretty, expensive object in their collection, just collecting dust. Therefore, I'm viewing it as a wasteful purchase.
  • And don't get me wrong, I completely understand that he has every right to make this purchase and I know the reasoning behind why he actually made the purchase - I just do not think it's honestly justified so I'm a bit bothered.

• I think my grades are going to be iffy - probably 1 A and 2 B's (hopefully not 1 C) this semester, what plus or minus range they might fall in - I have no idea, but those grades do not make me happy. I need to raise my GPA for graduate school applications, not maintain it or lower it. . . so this is very disappointing. And I only have myself to blame - I mean that this is the first time I've worked and gone to school and I've let work - and the need for money - come first sometimes, when I KNOW that the MOST IMPORTANT thing is my education. It's just difficult when you need the money though - establishing that balance - learning how to prioritize and use your time correctly. Plus having my own place, doing household chores, etc. It's been quite stressful - and I've let my finance class slip a bit - perhaps too much, unfortunately.
  • I'm not sure if talking to the Professor about my situation - at least offer an explanation as to why I've missed some classes (beyond the ones I was validly sick for) - would help. I mean it couldn't help, but I don't really expect anything out of it - any leniency.

• So quick note: the titles of my journal entries - actually have nothing to do with the entries themselves. I usually just look around me and find a phrase off of something near me and use it as a title.

• Tuesday's Horoscope: "You are looking ahead ambitiously as you map out a strategy to develop your career. You may be thinking beyond the limitations of your current job as you try to figure out your place in the world. But setting your expectations too high now could turn into disappointment when you realize that your thinking was unrealistic. Go ahead and dream big, but put your plan into action one small step at a time."

• I received a letter in the mail from Rachel today! Yay! I wasn't expecting one yet. Thanks, Rach :-D

• So I'm pretty much done with both of my projects and presentations today and nothing really big is due tomorrow. Just a case prep for the next Brand Management group presenting - but I have a freebie and could choose not do it. Anyways, I'm just taking a breather because the past week and a half have been really rough with school and all. So I'm going through all of the letters my mother has written me over the years and I wanted to write some excerpts that I wish I took more consideration of when I first received these letters.

• July 6, 2003 - This was a letter to me right before I moved away from them to Austin. I didn't want to go anywhere; I wanted to say in New Hampshire and I was angry, sad, etc. I was 16, scared, and resentful. I wasn't ready to be without them, to start anew, start becoming an adult.
  • "Take comfort: time goes by fast and strengthens your love for what it's worth, and the expectations will shape your life and love when you map out for success in life. Strength & weakness, mistakes are part of life and that is what will shape your character. Come what may, deal with little steps and leap forward into new adventure with gusto. . .be strong and follow not only your heart but also be smart doing the right thing and take the right steps to be successful!"

• Saturday's Horoscope: "You are in a rebellious mood and might play the role of a contrarian today. If others are expecting you to follow along with their plans, they may be sorely disappointed when you decide to take your own independent route. It's difficult for you to rationally explain your need to be different now and attempts to do so will only confuse matters further. Fortunately, once everyone realizes that you are serious, they will probably support your efforts to do things your own way." Interesting to contemplate. . . .

• Sunday's Horoscope: "The Sun's square to elusive Neptune can blur the facts today, challenging you to make smart decisions. Reality is colored by your feelings, so you don't necessarily see what's truly out there. If possible, set aside some time to daydream. Losing yourself in your fantasies for a while can revitalize you for the more serious times ahead."

• Meant to wake up . . .at the very latest at 1pm. . . but failed miserably, hit the snooze button, and slept till almost 5pm. I went to bad at about 5am though, after getting back from DJ's & Sam's.

• OMG . . . seriously unexpected contact on Facebook from my very first boyfriend - my very first kiss - the first guy I fell "head over heels" in "love" with found me on Facebook and sent me a message. I haven't spoken to him since the summer of eighth grade I think it was. This kid . . . god we were young and stupid, and I contrived so many ways to see him without my parents knowing. And he was a BAD boyfriend - he caused so much young teen heartache for me that it was simply ridiculous. But I wouldn't mind catching up with him - I'm curious as to where he now, who he is now, etc.
• Being an adult requires a lot of thinking, reflecting, etc. . . I know that might seem obvious, but as a child eager to be an adult, you can't even fathom everything else that comes with it, what it truly means, and what it requires to actually be one.

• "Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and comedy for those who think." - Unknown

• I wouldn't say that I absolutely hate it....but it bothers the heck out of me when I see him smoking a cigarette. But his choices are his choices, and I can only influence him so much, I do my own thing, I have my own flaws; so does he. I respect that.

• So I have to go on more about Skyping with Rachel again yesterday. It made me so very happy - it's almost like it refreshed my attitude and feelings about life.

• I have so much homework to do and so much work to get and done - but I'm trying to stay relaxed and mellow while still steadily accomplish things - I mean it is the WEEKEND and all, I need to take every opportunity I have to remember to relax and be appreciative, and mellow out. I need to send off my set of slides to Mai so that she can incorporate them into the complete presentation before we meet tomorrow at 5:00, I think it is.

• I know this is random but, truth is, Justin Timberlake has never stopped being incredibly FUCKING sexy. If anything, he's become even more impossibly physically attractive. So you know that time Rachel, When we thought we were dating their invisible spirit or whatever (god we were strange, LmAo)? I have to admit he wasn't a bad imaginary boyfriend to have, LoL. He's still out there and doin' his own thing, making a name for himself. I respect that too.

• I just finally finished cutting my hair! It's taken three sessions to cut and finish styling this. It had gotten pretty long - 3/4s of the way to the bottom of my back, but, during the 2nd week Mark and I were sick with the flu, I was so fed up with long hair, I just quickly chopped about 5 inches off. I quickly styled it a little so it didn't look too ridiculous. Then the 2nd & 3rd opportunity I had - I styled it more, and now, I am finished! It's "rockish" styled I guess, but it also quickly ties up sexily into a messy ponytail. I feel so much lighter now, more free - I know it's corny that chopping of hair can symbolize releasing stress and starting anew.

• I'm cooking dinner for Mark right now. I promised him I would and I had exactly planned on surprising him with it. . . but he mentioned it before I could do anything about it. Apparently this dish I make, which is basically my rendition of Italian Carbonara with whatever we have in the fridge and pantry - usually pasta, bacon, some kind of veggie, and then eggs - some Balsamic vinegar, a touch of hot sauce, salt and peppers. And voila, Chrissy's Carbonara! • Weekend Gordough's, here me and Mark come! At least we've cut down significantly from the several days in a row event pig out - I might regret this tomorrow.

• Interesting....This is my horoscope for today (courtesy of Google and Tarot.Com): You may feel a bit jittery today about taking a risk, but you will gain confidence once you move through your logical concerns and let your feelings lead the way. However, don't rush the process; if you make your move too quickly, your insecurities could negatively impact your behavior and ruin the outcome. Lean into your anxiety, like a sailboat leans into the wind. In this manner you'll get the maximum ride and have the best chances of reaching your destination.

• After talking to my dad last night, I finally got up the courage to ask my boss if we could schedule a time next week to talk and do a six months review. She said that we could probably do it on Monday, so we'll see how that goes . . .
  • Initially, I was planning on conducting the conversation between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break, but my dad convinced me that it would be better to act upon it now. He's right - I honestly have nothing to lose.
  • Gosh . . . I have so much going on at work, so many things to do and so little time. . .but I honestly really like being productive. . . .go go go
    
    • But my Dad is also right in the fact that I need to remember what's most important - doing well in school, not let work take too much out of me. . . .actually my dad didn't say that. He said something else that led me to think of that. Hmmmm.

• So, when I got home today, I decided to call Rachel (we talk everyday on AIM during the week) to see if she was up for chatting, but it went to voice-mail. Oddly enough, I decided to leave a message - a rambly, totally "Christine" like message. Sometimes, no matter what, no matter how much time has passed, how long we have gone between seeing or talking to each other, we always go back to instantly being best friends - it's almost if we can't help it. We're naturally in tune . . . no awkwardness or comfort zone / too close zone issues to worry about - we're us as we were when we were 14 years old, except we're maturing young, real adults now. We've known each other since 6th grade - since we were eleven years old. Next year, we turn 23 . . .we've known one another for almost 12 years now. That's amazing and definitely my longest, still intact and close friendship that I have ever had. She truly is my "best friend" - and I'm meaning the fateful "best friend" - she's the yin to my yang kind of thing - she gets me and i get her. We don't judge one another either. We could happily sit in a room with each other and be completely comfortable with it. The fact of the matter is that when I moved away to Austin 6 years ago and I've just been trying to fill her place. And don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of fantastic best, super close and trusted friends along the way, but I never had the same awesome kind of "best friends relationship" relationship with any other girl that I had and still have with Rachel.
  
  • Anyways, she ended up texting me back and we finally got to Skype! (Side-Note: Skype has definitely improved since the last time I used it in 2003) Seeing her, talking to her, hearing her voice and seeing her in live action (that sounds strange) was ALMOST as if we were in the same room hanging out and just chatting it up like girl friends do. We talked for nearly two hours and all of it made me so incredibly happy
  • It's been six years since I've moved back down here to Austin (my Boston accent still makes a guest appearance every now and then), and we've decided that it's time for her to come visit me! And I can't wait till I graduate in December of 2010. So we're thinking this upcoming Spring Break in March that I have - hopefully she can get those days off work and I can show her all around Austin, we'll hang out, have fun - it'll be wonderfully awesome!

• I always have various thoughts racing through my mind - i'm always thinking about several thing at once - it's tiring, but it's almost as if I can't help it. My mind constantly in "go" mode, even if my body is resting. And I can't ever do just one thing, I have to be doing several things at once - constantly multitasking. Unless, I'm really down to the deadline, of course. But my medicine helps control it honestly - it helps me concentrate. I still jump around from topic to topic and get distracted easily, but with my medication, it's much less so. I guess that the multitasking that helped so well when I was younger has grown too strong for its own good. I'm doing seven different things at once now. I think that's why I journal in bullet points - so I can start different thoughts, take a break, work on another thought, and go back and forth, adding more to each one.

• I believe in Karma - the idea that if you spread goodness/positivity, it will return and if you spread badness/negativity that will be reciprocated. That doesn't always mean that I do the right thing exactly (all humans sin), but the concept of it is a believed notion of mine that has the possibility of being true - I have faith in it. But anyways, I take every survey that I am sent for students that need responses. I've had to do similar projects, and the more responses, the better the data for project analysis. And it's such an easy, simple thing to do for someone else - takes very little time or effort and you're helping someone out.

• I'm going through past letters my mom has sent me over the years - the articles that remained unread but that, in retrospect, i realized she felt it was important for me to read - that it would give me perspective and help me lead a better life, make wiser choices. If I have time, I think that I might scan all of those in along with her letters, so that "In Case of Emergency", i'll have a digital backup of it. I'm planning on doing the same on all of Rachel's letters and the rest of the letters in that big blue binder. I mean technology has advanced so much that I can simply scan an exact replica of a document into my computer. Thank you, technology boom!

  • "She use to drag her mattress beside her low window and lie awake for a long while, vibrating with excitement, as a machine vibrates from speed. Life rushed in upon her through that window - or so it seemed. In reality, of course, life rushes from within, not from without. There is no work of art so big or so beautiful that it was not once all contained in some youthful body, like this one which lay on the floor in the moonlight, pulsing with ardor and anticipation." - Willie Cather, The Song of the Lark

• Mark bought a pack of cigarettes today after getting paid. He's avidly smoking several cigarettes a day again. So far, since I've seen him (he left at 8am for work this morning) around 10:30 p.m; he has smoked 3 cigarettes. It went from a random cigarette here and there - to people giving him cigarettes (which he can't refuse) - to bumming cigarettes off of people - to now buying packs for himself. He's definitely addicted. I hate the smell.. . and then I smell like it too. When I was younger, I use to think guys smoking was sexy because it was "rebellious" and "daring," but now I know better. I mean I'm not a saint - I've smoked the occasional cigarette here there and have bought a pack every once in a blue moon, but I've never became addicted to them.
  • I mean, at least, he's honest about it - but what honestly bothers me deep down is that when we first got together and finally fell in love, he randomly told me one day, without me ever bringing it up, that he was quitting smoking cigarettes because he wanted to live a longer life, now that he had me, and two, he wanted to stop wasting money on cigarettes so he could spend it on us. I was shocked; of course the former reason was what meant so much to me - he had imagined a future with me, a bright, wonderful future - I hadn't asked it of him and it truly meant a lot to me because he chained smoked horribly for years (while we were just best friends) and I had always hated it/been annoyed by it. What was amazing was he had taken notice of it and cared about my feelings. And he really did quit that day - cold turkey - he went a whole 2 or 3 months without smoking a single cigarette. After that, there was the occasional, maybe once a month one, while he and his Dad had fatherly hats on the back porch, but now the habit is back. What meant so much to me now basically has no meaning at all which is sad.
  • It's now 3:00am and he has smoked 2 more cigarettes - which totals what I've witnessed to 5. AND I know he probably smoked earlier during work or after while hanging out with DJ, so the total could be between at least 7-10 in one day. Jeezus. . .

• It's 2:00AM - I still have to drop of Amy Jo's rune interpretation book and tarot guide - unfortunately I never got around to scanning/copying down the meaning of the rest of my rune reading. Perhaps another day. I'm actually at DJ and Sam's with the Willemin brothers (Mark and his brother, Daniel). Anyways, I was looking at Facebook and Amy Jo had posted a result to quiz that seemed intriguing enough to take (unlike "What kind of CareBear are you? - wtf, who cares, seriously. . .). Personal DNA Quiz to Reveal Your True Self:
  • I am an EXPERIENCER - an encouraging experiencer.which means:
    
    • "Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER. Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things. You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently. Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences. Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things. You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.
      You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those
      suggestions.You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.You are balanced in your approach to problem-solving, not letting your emotions hold you up. You tend to do things on the spur of the moment, not sticking to a set schedule."
  • If I want to be different:
    
    • Have faith that your imagination and practicality will complement each other, and lead to good decisions on your part.
    • Take the initiative in seeking things out—don't wait for them to come to you.
  • There was more but I'll write that later - it's about how i relate to others and whatnot.
• Must Sleep Now. Night Night World.

• Don't really know if it's too late, but the teacher never assigned a due date for submitting homework5 online so I'm working on it right now. It's 11pm. . . I got home from my MKT460 group meeting, talked to my Dad for a bit, and onto finishing homework. It's an effort based grade - but the last time I passed in homework late (despite the amount of effort I actually did put into it), I only got 1 out of 3 points. Bummer.

• I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday - unfortunately I have so much to do this weekend in terms of school work. I have to prep for my two projects, and hopefully get ahead in some of my classes. I'm also hoping to get some housework done this weekend. The likeliness of that happening . . . I'm not sure.
  
  • I already made plans to go to DJ's and Sam's place tomorrow night too. And I'm trying this new thing where I won't be flaky.

• Speaking of which, there are some changes that I definitely want to make:
  • Eating unhealthy - no more fast food, soda, things that are high in sodium
  • Sleeping past 2pm on the weekends or my days off - seriously, I need to regulate my sleep schedule
  • Meditation & Yoga
  • Wasting money on useless things
  • Think more positively

• Mark's attitude and demeanor have been really getting to me lately. If I bring it up though, he says it's all in my head - that it's just me. At least he's finally working a bit - he worked last Thursday, this past Tuesday, today, and he's working tomorrow for his Uncle. He owes me a bit of money and I'd be less stressed out about my financial situation when I have that money back in my bank account - so I'm a bit antsy about it. Plus, I'd feel much more comfy about my financial situation if he had a job so that he could equally contribute to our outings and fun times, rather than it being just me. I'm super grateful that his Dad pays his half of the rent, but last time the check didn't cover everything (including his half of the bills) because I had to pay an overdraft on his WF account or else it would be sent to a collection agency.
  • It aggravates me that when I ask him to do a house chore - he sighs at me like it's this huge deal. I wish that he would just notice it to begin with and take care of it instead of me having to ask him ("nag") him to do it. Sometimes, he'll get especially frustrated with the chore and there's a lot of angry muttering, swearing, etc. . . which really isn't conducive to a happy environment.

• I wish that boys would mature as fast as girls do - grow into actual men at the speed we're growing into actual women. I was talking to Rachel today about it - and as much as I hope that guys will learn to take on responsibility on their own and be willing to do it - it just doesn't seem to happen. Or it's rare these days. Or maybe I'm just dating the wrong guys. . . Or maybe my expectations are too high. But I mean my dad did it, my brother Alvin is responsible and independent and takes care of his own house and everything. I understand that no one is perfect, but I'm tired of having to somewhat having to "baby" guys that I date. I don't really have the time or energy to do it, especially after Mitchell - god was he the worst. I'm willing to help people out, especially the ones I love, but I am in no position to be a life coach. As selfish as this may seem, I have my own life to lead and that's almost more than I can handle.
  • Rachel says that guys tend to not even see messes that girls see and you pretty much do have to ask them to do a chore that has to be done - I hate that.

• So I started interpreting my "Life Spread" tarot reading that I did for myself the other day - I got through reading about the meaning and interpretations of the personal aspect, home aspect, and work aspect of my life, but there's still a couple other dimensions I need to review. I'm still interpreting the cards personally and in relation to each other as well - thoroughly looking at the pictures, the location of the cards, the relevancy of the key cards, etc. Some of it is confusing to me but I think I just need some time to think the reading over more, especially after I finish going through the entire reading. A lot of the cards and the aspect they fell under made a lot of sense though - gave me a sense of perspective - and insight. Something which I really need right now.

• I use to be able to wake up and finish my finance homework, but now I can't because I have to wake up at 8:30 anyways to go to work. This is ridiculous, I had planned on waking up at seven, now I'm not sure if I'll finish homework 5 for finance class before finance class again. This is a repetitive habit that somehow needs to be changed. My actions and time planning and priorities need to change.
   
• I really miss Rachel. She's my childhood best friends, we've known each other since the 6th grade. Sometimes, I wish that we lived a lot closer to each other, because she's the type of person that I could just go and chill with after school and work. We could be both be in complete silence, doing our own thing, but the comfort of her company would be so nice right now.
   
• I'm really stressed out right now and my finance grade isn't looking so good. On blackboard, the homework doesn't have a listed due date, but usually it's due by class time and I'm definitely late. And I have two major projects I need to work on. I have so much work to do ACTUALLY at work too. . . eeek.
  
   

• So yesterday, somewhat out of desperation, and just because I needed some answers, I took some time to do a Tarot reading for myself with "The Life Spread." I chose this one because I didn't really have a particular question in mind that I wanted answers to, I just wanted a generalized idea of where my life is and whatnot. Unfortunately, since I still had homework to do, I didn't really have the time to thoroughly interpret the reading yet. I wish that the Wiccan/Pagan store hadn't closed around here. . .
   
• Working, working, working. . . I'm certain that if I wasn't so prone to being ill, that if school didn't come first, that all I would do is work. I'd rather work than take a day off - if I take a day off, I just end up feeling really bad and stressing out that I didn't work.
  • Speaking of which, these are the days I have off (since the office is closed):
    • Thanksgiving Break: Thursday & Friday (I could choose to take the whole week off but I'd rather work through Wednesday)
    • Christmas Break: December 22nd through January 5th - I appreciate these forced holidays - I'll be off of school and work. I'll get some apartment stuff done, some personal stuff done, etc. I definitely do need the break - the relaxation - the opportunity to rejuvenate myself
       
• Okay - today is November 11th - and I'm not doing so good with that absolutely NO SODA and NO FAST FOOD thing which I'm really pissed at myself for . . it's wasting my money and it definitely is not good for my health
   
• I constantly worry about money. It's a persistant, perpetual thing that is always on my mind. Possibly because I tend to overspend or spend money that I don't actually have, or well I did. Something that I REALLY need to stop doing. The fact that I work on average . . .25 hours a week . . . on top of school and I still have no savings or real debt decrease to show for it is really depressing and stressful.
   
• Sometimes I'm really okay with being alone and having quiet time to myself. Lately, it's been really nice to just chill and relax on my own. Don't get me wrong; I love having Mark's company and I'd actually prefer it, but sometimes I enjoy the quiet, downtime I have when I get home and he isn't there - it's comforting knowing that he will be there soon though. There is something that bothers me a lot though:
  • When he's home with me, he spends the majority of the time on his laptop playing online games or watching TV. I actually don't use my computer a lot when I'm at home anymore unless I'm doing homework. And I suppose that I understand the fact that the internet provides the most entertaining thing to do at our apartment - but it would be nice if he did other things too. . .

• So the boyfriend and I managed to eat ourselves into a sugar coma on Sunday night that made me sleep for 24hours straight. This is definitely NOT a good thing for my diabetes. I have a feeling that its creeping back up on me and I need to be more careful in what I eat. Damn you, addictive Gordough's donuts . . . 

• I'm feeling really anxious about life right now. . . I hate this feeling. My period came and went as scheduled, but unfortunately, the dismal, perpetual melancholy has not gone away with it. I don't know exactly what is bothering me either - there's no direct source as to why I'm feeling like this and I hate complaining about it to anyone - especially my close friends, mostly because I can't really explain why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling
  
  • But the feeling is obnoxious and obtrusive, hindering, and I just want it to go away.
  • I'm going to give this another week - and then schedule a Dr.'s appointment.

• I technically only have 1 case study to do for tomorrow, but the TA has advised me to pass in the two I was absent for (despite the fact that we only have to do 6 out of 9) - so prioritize. I have a finance homework due on Thursday, and two project presentations next week - one on Monday, one on Tuesday

• Unfortunately, Amy Jo was unable to finish my rune reading the other day - but she lent me the book with the descriptions of each rune. I have yet looked at it, scanned it,  nor copied it. I need to do it ASAP because I know that she'd probably like that book back sooner rather than later.

• I'm not doing as well as I'd like in school - its frustrating because I'll think that I will have aced an exam - but nope. . .a B. And with this +/- grading system - it has me all in a tiffy.

• Hopefully, I'll have some time to do a Tarot reading tonight - I think I need some guidance or something of some sort. I also need to practice the piano.

• I am absolutely loving this laptop. With the help of the ever-so-powerful, Internet, I was able to install windows 7 ultimate 64 bit through a USB key from the upgrade install CD i purchased from UT, deactivate on my unreliable HP-tx1000z, and then activate theI  OS on this lovely electronic device. Same with Windows Office 2007, but that was easily downloaded from the internet. It was sorta fun teaching myself that programing. This was ALL because I was too impatient to wait for the external DVD drive. I'm thinking about returning it now. I'd rather have the money. I'm not even going to open the box.

• I ate dinner with BOTH my brothers tonight at a wonderfully nice Cajun restaurant, a place that I hadn't tried yet. It was amazingly delicious food. We haven't all eaten together in years -  we all paid for ourselves, and it was really, honestly nice.

• I thoroughly groomed my dog today. He has one bald spot cause the matt could not be brushed out, and i cut the hair around his eyes so now he can see clearly and people won't say "Where are his eyes?" 

• I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know if it was that german chocolate cake latte that Chelsea bought for me at Tazza Fresca that did me over (though it was extremely delicious), but I was up till five AM doing all sorts of random things.
   
• I'm actually really liking my job - it's tough waking up in the morning and coming in but that's just because I'm not a morning person. But anyways, when I get here, I actually enjoy what I'm doing and I constantly have work to do. I like that though. I hate being bored at work - I'd much rather be productive. But so far this internship experience has taught me a lot and is continually teaching me everyday - and it's confirmed my passion for marketing. I know what I want to do and what I excel in, what I love to do. I really should listen to my gut more.

• I've been feeling really listless ("characterized by lack of interest, energy, or spirit") and melancholy lately. Nothing is really wrong. Life is its usual self - ups and downs - challenging and frustrating at times, but there's the happy, good things as well. And I'm appreciative of the good fortune and luck I seem to have. I mean I definitely do work hard to be where I am and to achieve what I want, but I'm sure that there's good fortune in my life as well.
   
• I plan on doing a Tarot card reading this weekend with the deck that Mark got for me last Christmas. I haven't done one in a while and I'm not very proficient with them, but I'd like to be. Yesterday, I found out Chelsea's interested in that kind of stuff too - she has a deck and runes. . . so I invited her over to have a night of learning and reading. It'll be cool.
   
• When it comes to religion and spirituality, technically I'm Catholic because my mother is Catholic (went through communion and all of that) and I was baptized as a child, but my family wasn't really that religious. I believe in God, not necessarily how Catholics and Christian's describe him though, but I also believe in fate and some of the new age philosophies - in particular, divination (Thanks for the word recall help, Amy Jo).
   
• So I called my dad up today because he's been working himself to the bone - running himself ragged - burning the candle on both ends. Traveling constantly - barely getting any sleep. So I called him up to ask him to do me a personal favor - I asked him to take the time to relax - to honestly relax in order to rejuvenate himself emotionally, physically, and mentally. With his bad health, if he keeps on doing what he's doing, he's going to do some irreversible damage to himself. I know that he doesn't want to give up and is determined to make this company thrive, but there's also a breaking point. He promised me that tonight (he would leave work by 7) and tomorrow that he would not do any work or touch his computer (since the only reason he uses his computer is to do work) - housework, responsibilities at home, work work, ANY work. He would just relax with my mother - do recreational, calming activities - catch up on a lot of sleep - and he even agreed to take advantage of the awesome jacuzzi/bathtub they have in their bathroom and take a nice hot bath to soothe his achy, tense muscles. I told him to read a book - only do leisurely things. He needs it. I told him that I would call and check in on him to make sure that he was not working and stressing himself out.
  • Then I called my mother to make sure that she ensured that this would happen and I ended up having to convince her to not do work either. She started talking about how there was a lot of housework to be done as well as a lot of other things and not enough time, but I just told her that THAT would always be the case. There's never enough time.

• I'm learning about how to play dominoes correctly with Sam & DJ. Yay, I thought that I've learned it before but I learned much easier versions. , ,Amy Jo is coming over too (we split apart the two leather couches to make a chaise kind of area) for her. We're goofy. This is a nice Friday, relaxing and hanging out with friends.

• My laptop came in today, it's so freaking awesome. And I want to get it all set up so I can just use it, but the external DVD drive I ordered doesn't come till Monday and a free upgrade Windows 7 Home Premium, but I don't have the patience to wait but I'm am having a couple of obstacles - I can take care of them tomorrow though, quite easily . . . just takes a bit more time and effort. It can wait though, I need to relax and chill with my friends. My excitement for my new techy awesome gadget - friends are much better to experience and remember - what matters in life - the good times - thats what we go through the bad times for. Life is SHORT, random - make the most of it - make yourself others but respect others

• The keyboard on this thing is different - all the keys are flat, they don't curve down. I think I'm diggin this since I rarely look down when im typing - i mean, of course, when im getting use to a new style of keyboard thats different than my usuals, it takes a bit of practice. But eeek - Im lovin it Acer
  
  • I want to participate in popular social rating sites more - spread good and bad news - just the truth : informing people is a good societal benefit -making their purchases more educated - and its simple too! (Hey, at least . . . .it's a start

• 12:13AM - Amy Jo was kind enough to do a rune reading for me. We have a study date for this Sunday from 7:30 to midnightish at Epoch, , , i've never been but I need to get some work done. 

• Sam's a sweetie :-) I hope that she and DJ do get married. . .

• Right now, I'm at Tazza Fresca with Chelsea. She's awesome; we haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. We've both been really busy and she caught the flu. She got me an adorable "just because" present - a pink coffee cup with skull and crossbones all over it. Haha, given we barely have any cups in the apartment; this one is without a doubt mine :-D. Yay! I'm suppose to be studying . . .but I worked 9 hours today. I ended up missing my Tuesday/Thursday class again . . . I've missed so many of them - 4 of them are excused, but I definitely CANNOT miss anymore from here on out. Nor can I miss any more case studies for finance or I'm going to screw myself over. 

• UT implemented the + / - system this year too . . . so every single point matters. Ugh. I hate this system. . .

• So I'm feeling sort of bad about this because I need to decrease my debt and increase my savings but I emptied my savings account to buy a digital piano (plus my dad and my brother lectured me disapprovingly) - I scored an awesome deal on it though. I think there was a pricing mistake in the computer system but the guy at Guitar Center sold it to me for the price in the computer rather than the displayed price. I think he saw how much I wanted the piano and was sympathetic in some fashion. Anyways I got a Casio Privia PX130.

• So I didn't end up dressing up as a forest fairy elf or whatever it is that I could scrummage out of my closet, nor did I go to any parties for Halloween. I was too tired and I just wanted to spend Saturday night in. I guess I've become an adult . . . a slightly, boring adult . . . that would just prefer to relax rather than party.
   
• My boyfriend bought me a new computer for an early Christmas present! It's an awesome (hopefully) Acer Aspire 1410 in blue. The specs are outstanding, and it's received a ton of positive reviews so I'm hoping that this wil last me through the rest of college and graduate school. Eeeek! He's so awesome :-D.

• Today is Monday. Monday's are always exceedingly difficult for some reason. Getting up early for work now, then going to school, then heading back to work. When I finally get to work, it's not so bad. . . I just am extremely tired by the time I get home. . . which is unfortunate.
   
• Another reflective point of interest is for some reason, when I'm at home, it's extremely hard for me to be motivated. Sometimes I just lay there in bed. I don't read, I don't do homework, I don't really go on the computer anymore. Instead, I fiddle around on my iTouch or my cell phone, and contemplate all the things I should be doing and that I have to do such as studying, cleaning, work, etc. Ugh, I hate that unmotivated, unfufilled, stressed out, anxious feeling. I have to do something to fix this. . . .it's a bad, unproductive cycle.

• Didn't go to the Halloween Party at Mark's Uncle Kevin with Mark. He was dressed up cutely as a zombie. He kindly understood that I felt too tired to go and I didn't feel like being around a crowd. I feel bad though because his family is basically my family . . .but I'm so exhausted.
• DJ and Sam came over to chill. We're playing the Game of Life right now. Nice and relaxing night.
• I decided that to get myself into that Fall Holiday Season Feeling, I would dress up all day as a forest fairy elf tomorrow on Halloween :-D
• I started a new written journal; have yet to finish the old one even though its been a bit over a year. Oh well, my gut tells me it's time to move on and store the old one away.
• So far, I've gotten 11 surveys done with, 1 I'm getting on Monday, . . . so 3 left to go. Yay!
• I feel strange, peculiar.

• I haven't been sticking to this no soda and no fast food thing very well. This past month I've been eating quite horribly to be honest and I know that I'm playing it risky with the possibility of my diabetes coming back. . . so no more after October 31st! Back to healthy, normal eating again.

• I like the idea of keeping a dream journal. Lately, sleep has been more difficult to achieve and dreams don't seem to happen as often. I use to have a lot more intricate and vivid dreams and I'd like to write them down . . . but I don't really have the time in the morning (i.e., I'd rather have the extra 10-15 minutes to sleep), and after the day has started, I barely remember any of it.

• I'm remembering a lot more memories that I had previously forgotten from my childhood or earlier years - good ones rather than the bad ones. I suppose bad memories stick with you easier though. Anyways, I was also thinking of keeping a memory journal:
  
  • Yesterday, I asked Mark if he would take me to Barnes & Nobles so that I could just walk and around and explore. This week has been incredibly busy, and I just wanted to take some time out and relax. For some reason, casually browsing through the book store seemed like just the right thing to do. Anyways I called my dad while I was in the bookstore and I suddenly recalled that he use to take me to large bookstores (Barnes & Nobles, Borders, etc), and we would spend hours looking through the bargain books and the bookstore. Just my mom, me, and him. It was weird that I had forgotten about that altogether.

• I realize that I miss playing on a real piano so much. I was spoiled as a child and my father bought me a black grand Yamaha piano. I miss that beautiful instrument. I wish that I had taken my lessons more seriously and practiced more, but what's done is done. Anyways, what I really want for Christmas is a simple digital piano - one that replicates the weighted keys and the same sensitivity and sound of a piano. I found one that I'd really like, but it is way too expensive. I know that playing would help me with a lot of my emotional and mental issues, especially the anxiety.

• So my HP tx1000z that I bought nearly 2 years ago is continually "black screening" on me and I know that the time has come to write HP a letter as well as purchase a new, much more reliable laptop. Given that I barely have any savings and had to scrape up spare money to pay November's rent, I'm not looking forward to this purchase. Of course, having a new laptop will be awesome, but, honestly, I'd rather my HP just hold out until I graduate, AT LEAST. I'd rather not be out the $600 (give or take a bit) in money. Since I've gotten it, I've had so much trouble with it, especially because it tends to overheat, to an EXTREME extent. When it fried itself and the wireless card, I was able to send it in and get it fixed under warranty.
  
  • Unfortunately, despite numerous and completed complaints from users with the same laptop and a recall on laptops with a similar video card problem, HP has refused to recognize or address the manufacture flaw in their tablet notebooks that causes it to overheat and ruin the video card and the CPU. In the past year, I've managed to bring my laptop back to life probably 7 times . . . I've had to change out the hard drive and the memory, and everything seemed almost perfect, except now it "black screens." It turns on all the lights, but does not load up anything. Several times I've gotten it to actually turn on and boot up with different tricks found from forums, but eventually the same things happens again and again. So HP, you suck, I would have been a repeat customers because I found your products very appealing and I THOUGHT that it had met all of my needs, but now you have ensured that I'll never buy an HP again. Furthermore, your customer service sucks for customers who are out of warranty. Do you not understand the value of maintaining positive consumer relations in order to increase repeat purchases?

• I'm finally getting a chance to be a research assistant which I've been wanting to do since last semester - preferably in the marketing/advertising/public relations department, but finance and economics would have been great at well!
  
  • At the beginning of the semester, I was initially going to try and be a research assistant for someone in the finance department, and my FIN374C professor told us about an opportunity that was open up. Unfortunately, I got his email too late and responded back too late (due to being sick for a week TWICE last month), and missed my opportunity. But! As they say, "when one door closes, another door opens!"
  • Anywho, I had informed the TA (a graduate student) from my Brand Management class of my interest in being an undergraduate research assistant. He told me that he forwarded my information to several of his colleagues and his supervisor and that I would be contacted soon by one of the other graduate students who needed some help. This week though, he needed help with his research and offered me an opportunity to help out. I'm really excited about this. I know it doesn't pay anything, but I've really been wanting to do this.

Waves of refreshing emotions are now washing over you and rejuvenating your life. But don't make the mistake of thinking that all will be easy; it won't. You can be quite overwhelmed today, but the intensity can be a catalyst to open your heart. Don't waste energy resisting your fears. Expressing them is your best insurance against shutting down your emotions.