Dare to Be Remarkable

• I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know if it was that german chocolate cake latte that Chelsea bought for me at Tazza Fresca that did me over (though it was extremely delicious), but I was up till five AM doing all sorts of random things.
   
• I'm actually really liking my job - it's tough waking up in the morning and coming in but that's just because I'm not a morning person. But anyways, when I get here, I actually enjoy what I'm doing and I constantly have work to do. I like that though. I hate being bored at work - I'd much rather be productive. But so far this internship experience has taught me a lot and is continually teaching me everyday - and it's confirmed my passion for marketing. I know what I want to do and what I excel in, what I love to do. I really should listen to my gut more.

• I've been feeling really listless ("characterized by lack of interest, energy, or spirit") and melancholy lately. Nothing is really wrong. Life is its usual self - ups and downs - challenging and frustrating at times, but there's the happy, good things as well. And I'm appreciative of the good fortune and luck I seem to have. I mean I definitely do work hard to be where I am and to achieve what I want, but I'm sure that there's good fortune in my life as well.
   
• I plan on doing a Tarot card reading this weekend with the deck that Mark got for me last Christmas. I haven't done one in a while and I'm not very proficient with them, but I'd like to be. Yesterday, I found out Chelsea's interested in that kind of stuff too - she has a deck and runes. . . so I invited her over to have a night of learning and reading. It'll be cool.
   
• When it comes to religion and spirituality, technically I'm Catholic because my mother is Catholic (went through communion and all of that) and I was baptized as a child, but my family wasn't really that religious. I believe in God, not necessarily how Catholics and Christian's describe him though, but I also believe in fate and some of the new age philosophies - in particular, divination (Thanks for the word recall help, Amy Jo).
   
• So I called my dad up today because he's been working himself to the bone - running himself ragged - burning the candle on both ends. Traveling constantly - barely getting any sleep. So I called him up to ask him to do me a personal favor - I asked him to take the time to relax - to honestly relax in order to rejuvenate himself emotionally, physically, and mentally. With his bad health, if he keeps on doing what he's doing, he's going to do some irreversible damage to himself. I know that he doesn't want to give up and is determined to make this company thrive, but there's also a breaking point. He promised me that tonight (he would leave work by 7) and tomorrow that he would not do any work or touch his computer (since the only reason he uses his computer is to do work) - housework, responsibilities at home, work work, ANY work. He would just relax with my mother - do recreational, calming activities - catch up on a lot of sleep - and he even agreed to take advantage of the awesome jacuzzi/bathtub they have in their bathroom and take a nice hot bath to soothe his achy, tense muscles. I told him to read a book - only do leisurely things. He needs it. I told him that I would call and check in on him to make sure that he was not working and stressing himself out.
  • Then I called my mother to make sure that she ensured that this would happen and I ended up having to convince her to not do work either. She started talking about how there was a lot of housework to be done as well as a lot of other things and not enough time, but I just told her that THAT would always be the case. There's never enough time.

• I'm learning about how to play dominoes correctly with Sam & DJ. Yay, I thought that I've learned it before but I learned much easier versions. , ,Amy Jo is coming over too (we split apart the two leather couches to make a chaise kind of area) for her. We're goofy. This is a nice Friday, relaxing and hanging out with friends.

• My laptop came in today, it's so freaking awesome. And I want to get it all set up so I can just use it, but the external DVD drive I ordered doesn't come till Monday and a free upgrade Windows 7 Home Premium, but I don't have the patience to wait but I'm am having a couple of obstacles - I can take care of them tomorrow though, quite easily . . . just takes a bit more time and effort. It can wait though, I need to relax and chill with my friends. My excitement for my new techy awesome gadget - friends are much better to experience and remember - what matters in life - the good times - thats what we go through the bad times for. Life is SHORT, random - make the most of it - make yourself others but respect others

• The keyboard on this thing is different - all the keys are flat, they don't curve down. I think I'm diggin this since I rarely look down when im typing - i mean, of course, when im getting use to a new style of keyboard thats different than my usuals, it takes a bit of practice. But eeek - Im lovin it Acer
  
  • I want to participate in popular social rating sites more - spread good and bad news - just the truth : informing people is a good societal benefit -making their purchases more educated - and its simple too! (Hey, at least . . . .it's a start

• 12:13AM - Amy Jo was kind enough to do a rune reading for me. We have a study date for this Sunday from 7:30 to midnightish at Epoch, , , i've never been but I need to get some work done. 

• Sam's a sweetie :-) I hope that she and DJ do get married. . .

• Right now, I'm at Tazza Fresca with Chelsea. She's awesome; we haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. We've both been really busy and she caught the flu. She got me an adorable "just because" present - a pink coffee cup with skull and crossbones all over it. Haha, given we barely have any cups in the apartment; this one is without a doubt mine :-D. Yay! I'm suppose to be studying . . .but I worked 9 hours today. I ended up missing my Tuesday/Thursday class again . . . I've missed so many of them - 4 of them are excused, but I definitely CANNOT miss anymore from here on out. Nor can I miss any more case studies for finance or I'm going to screw myself over. 

• UT implemented the + / - system this year too . . . so every single point matters. Ugh. I hate this system. . .

• So I'm feeling sort of bad about this because I need to decrease my debt and increase my savings but I emptied my savings account to buy a digital piano (plus my dad and my brother lectured me disapprovingly) - I scored an awesome deal on it though. I think there was a pricing mistake in the computer system but the guy at Guitar Center sold it to me for the price in the computer rather than the displayed price. I think he saw how much I wanted the piano and was sympathetic in some fashion. Anyways I got a Casio Privia PX130.

• So I didn't end up dressing up as a forest fairy elf or whatever it is that I could scrummage out of my closet, nor did I go to any parties for Halloween. I was too tired and I just wanted to spend Saturday night in. I guess I've become an adult . . . a slightly, boring adult . . . that would just prefer to relax rather than party.
   
• My boyfriend bought me a new computer for an early Christmas present! It's an awesome (hopefully) Acer Aspire 1410 in blue. The specs are outstanding, and it's received a ton of positive reviews so I'm hoping that this wil last me through the rest of college and graduate school. Eeeek! He's so awesome :-D.

• Today is Monday. Monday's are always exceedingly difficult for some reason. Getting up early for work now, then going to school, then heading back to work. When I finally get to work, it's not so bad. . . I just am extremely tired by the time I get home. . . which is unfortunate.
   
• Another reflective point of interest is for some reason, when I'm at home, it's extremely hard for me to be motivated. Sometimes I just lay there in bed. I don't read, I don't do homework, I don't really go on the computer anymore. Instead, I fiddle around on my iTouch or my cell phone, and contemplate all the things I should be doing and that I have to do such as studying, cleaning, work, etc. Ugh, I hate that unmotivated, unfufilled, stressed out, anxious feeling. I have to do something to fix this. . . .it's a bad, unproductive cycle.

• Didn't go to the Halloween Party at Mark's Uncle Kevin with Mark. He was dressed up cutely as a zombie. He kindly understood that I felt too tired to go and I didn't feel like being around a crowd. I feel bad though because his family is basically my family . . .but I'm so exhausted.
• DJ and Sam came over to chill. We're playing the Game of Life right now. Nice and relaxing night.
• I decided that to get myself into that Fall Holiday Season Feeling, I would dress up all day as a forest fairy elf tomorrow on Halloween :-D
• I started a new written journal; have yet to finish the old one even though its been a bit over a year. Oh well, my gut tells me it's time to move on and store the old one away.
• So far, I've gotten 11 surveys done with, 1 I'm getting on Monday, . . . so 3 left to go. Yay!
• I feel strange, peculiar.

• I haven't been sticking to this no soda and no fast food thing very well. This past month I've been eating quite horribly to be honest and I know that I'm playing it risky with the possibility of my diabetes coming back. . . so no more after October 31st! Back to healthy, normal eating again.

• I like the idea of keeping a dream journal. Lately, sleep has been more difficult to achieve and dreams don't seem to happen as often. I use to have a lot more intricate and vivid dreams and I'd like to write them down . . . but I don't really have the time in the morning (i.e., I'd rather have the extra 10-15 minutes to sleep), and after the day has started, I barely remember any of it.

• I'm remembering a lot more memories that I had previously forgotten from my childhood or earlier years - good ones rather than the bad ones. I suppose bad memories stick with you easier though. Anyways, I was also thinking of keeping a memory journal:
  
  • Yesterday, I asked Mark if he would take me to Barnes & Nobles so that I could just walk and around and explore. This week has been incredibly busy, and I just wanted to take some time out and relax. For some reason, casually browsing through the book store seemed like just the right thing to do. Anyways I called my dad while I was in the bookstore and I suddenly recalled that he use to take me to large bookstores (Barnes & Nobles, Borders, etc), and we would spend hours looking through the bargain books and the bookstore. Just my mom, me, and him. It was weird that I had forgotten about that altogether.

• I realize that I miss playing on a real piano so much. I was spoiled as a child and my father bought me a black grand Yamaha piano. I miss that beautiful instrument. I wish that I had taken my lessons more seriously and practiced more, but what's done is done. Anyways, what I really want for Christmas is a simple digital piano - one that replicates the weighted keys and the same sensitivity and sound of a piano. I found one that I'd really like, but it is way too expensive. I know that playing would help me with a lot of my emotional and mental issues, especially the anxiety.

• So my HP tx1000z that I bought nearly 2 years ago is continually "black screening" on me and I know that the time has come to write HP a letter as well as purchase a new, much more reliable laptop. Given that I barely have any savings and had to scrape up spare money to pay November's rent, I'm not looking forward to this purchase. Of course, having a new laptop will be awesome, but, honestly, I'd rather my HP just hold out until I graduate, AT LEAST. I'd rather not be out the $600 (give or take a bit) in money. Since I've gotten it, I've had so much trouble with it, especially because it tends to overheat, to an EXTREME extent. When it fried itself and the wireless card, I was able to send it in and get it fixed under warranty.
  
  • Unfortunately, despite numerous and completed complaints from users with the same laptop and a recall on laptops with a similar video card problem, HP has refused to recognize or address the manufacture flaw in their tablet notebooks that causes it to overheat and ruin the video card and the CPU. In the past year, I've managed to bring my laptop back to life probably 7 times . . . I've had to change out the hard drive and the memory, and everything seemed almost perfect, except now it "black screens." It turns on all the lights, but does not load up anything. Several times I've gotten it to actually turn on and boot up with different tricks found from forums, but eventually the same things happens again and again. So HP, you suck, I would have been a repeat customers because I found your products very appealing and I THOUGHT that it had met all of my needs, but now you have ensured that I'll never buy an HP again. Furthermore, your customer service sucks for customers who are out of warranty. Do you not understand the value of maintaining positive consumer relations in order to increase repeat purchases?

• I'm finally getting a chance to be a research assistant which I've been wanting to do since last semester - preferably in the marketing/advertising/public relations department, but finance and economics would have been great at well!
  
  • At the beginning of the semester, I was initially going to try and be a research assistant for someone in the finance department, and my FIN374C professor told us about an opportunity that was open up. Unfortunately, I got his email too late and responded back too late (due to being sick for a week TWICE last month), and missed my opportunity. But! As they say, "when one door closes, another door opens!"
  • Anywho, I had informed the TA (a graduate student) from my Brand Management class of my interest in being an undergraduate research assistant. He told me that he forwarded my information to several of his colleagues and his supervisor and that I would be contacted soon by one of the other graduate students who needed some help. This week though, he needed help with his research and offered me an opportunity to help out. I'm really excited about this. I know it doesn't pay anything, but I've really been wanting to do this.

Waves of refreshing emotions are now washing over you and rejuvenating your life. But don't make the mistake of thinking that all will be easy; it won't. You can be quite overwhelmed today, but the intensity can be a catalyst to open your heart. Don't waste energy resisting your fears. Expressing them is your best insurance against shutting down your emotions.

Rising Sign is in 29 Degrees Capricorn
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking and very serious as a youth, things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. Generally, you have a good, earthy sense of humor that can carry you through when times really do get tough. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible.

Sun is in 06 Degrees Pisces.
Extremely sensitive and emotional, you absorb the emotions of others (whether positive or negative) like a sponge. Emotionally vulnerable, you are easily upset and tend to cry readily. You are at your best when you can structure your environment in such a way that you are surrounded by positive, upbeat people. You are very helpful and understanding of the needs of others. Indeed, at times this can be a disadvantage, because you can be a sucker for anyone who needs help. Shy, dreamy, romantic in nature, you delight in retreating into your private fantasy world. Just be careful that you do not get lost in it! Trust your intuitions -- you may be quite psychic.

Moon is in 01 Degrees Aquarius.
Very freedom-oriented, you must always be able to do what you wish, no matter what. You become stubborn and recalcitrant when others try to force you into a mold. You are a true democrat -- you are not a follower, but you enjoy being with those who are like-minded. You appreciate emotional self-control -- you practice it yourself and you look for it in others. You solve problems, including emotional ones, with your brains and intellect, not your feelings. Try to be tolerant of those who have powerful and obvious emotional responses -- not everyone is as objective, cool, dispassionate and detached as you are.

Mercury is in 10 Degrees Pisces.
Your ideas and thought processes do not come to you in an orderly, logical fashion. Instead, you think with your feelings or with images produced by your rich and fertile imagination. A very subjective person, your dreams and fantasies are very important to you. You trust your intuitions and tend to reject ideas that are based solely on logic. Very impressionable, you are sensitive to the moods and emotional states of those with whom you come into contact.

Venus is in 23 Degrees Capricorn.
You tend to keep your feelings under control -- emotions are only released in serious or important situations. You are distrustful of others whose behavior could be judged excessive or immoderate. As such, you prefer to relate only to those who are older than you or to those whose position is such that respect and duty are more important for both of you than passion or emotional response. Be careful, however, of relationships that are merely based on practicality or utility or you will ultimately be lonely.

Mars is in 03 Degrees Taurus.
Careful, slow and thorough about all that you do, at times you are also willful and stubborn when others try to alter your course. You are definitely not a quitter -- you will work long and hard to get what you want. Your possessions are very important to you. One of your continuing problems is that you tend to regard the significant people in your life much the same way as you do your possessions -- you become overly attached and much too jealous. You repress your anger when you get upset and that is not healthy. Try to learn to show your anger immediately in order to avoid painful explosions later.

Jupiter is in 28 Degrees Pisces.
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries.

Saturn is in 20 Degrees Sagittarius.
Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing.

Uranus is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 07 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 09 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 12 Degrees Aries.
You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!

• I miss her dearly. I wonder if I can still salvage it. Or if it's too late. It never hurts to try . . .and try I will.
• I'm extremely grateful for my family and my boyfriend's family
• Why the hell is the 80's fashion coming back? 
• Paying Bills - though I hate it, I get quite a bit of satisfaction knowing I've paid off all my bills for the upcoming month
• I love my home; my apartment with my wonderful boyfriend
• I'm grateful for dedicated, passionate professors that I have the opportunity to learn from and interact with
• Being sick for a week was both a positive and negative thing - despite having to miss both work and school entirely for a week and being nauseatingly sick, it gave me the time I needed to heal emotionally and physically
• Sometimes "starting over" is just what you need to do
• I'm starting to think that successful people only get 5 hours of sleep a night . . .

Alright. . . time to finish school work and then get some sleep. Gotta get up for work tomorrow  . . . back to reality.

I still have a billion and one things to do but I'm taking it one step at a time, working adamantly to stay focused and productive and put everything in my life back together again.

For giving me the world's greatest best friend.

I pray I don't lose her.

- Chrstine

1. Visit 20 of the World's Most Beautiful Libraries

This might sound gross but I need to shower more often. . .
I've been in a funk lately and have gone days without showering lately which in turn ends up making me feel more miserable eventually.
I woke up and took a shower before work today and it felt AMAZING. And while Mark drove me to work, I put on some makeup.
I think I'm going to change my habits and shower in the morning instead of at night from now on.
I end up being much more refreshed for the day and more motivated by being clean and a bit dolled up with some makeup.

Yesterday after work, Mark and I went by the leasing office at the apartments to initial and sign off on some changes on our lease so that Mark could pick up the keys on Saturday while I'm in class and start moving stuff in. Afterwards, we headed by our actual apartment and found the door unlocked . . . so we took a peek inside because we hadn't actually seen the place yet, and it looks awesome.

After seeing it and being inside of it, I'm uber excited about moving in this weekend and I can't wait. Eeek! The place is incredible. I don't think I could have asked for a better first place and I'm eager to have a place of my own for once. With Mark too!

So, I don't really post much in here and I've been contemplating whether or not to start a new account elsewhere under some other pseudonym but for some reason, I'm hesitant to do so.

I move into my new apartment this Saturday after my last class meeting. Sucks that I have to wait till about one in the afternoon, but at least I should be done with class for the summer. Despite the fact that it was an online "hybrid" class with only three actual class meetings, it has been a nuisance this entire summer to be honest. Still better than having to take the class MWF for an entire semester at UT though. 

Despite the fact it's my first apartment, I honestly don't feel that excited about it. Part of me is, but more of me is anxious about the situation. I guess....Yay! I get to pay bills now and worry if I will make rent for the next fifteen months. Love the added stress on top of my last year of college, but I guess I'm just joining the real world with the millions of other 20-somethings out there.

Fuck You, Life.

Seriously, don't I ever deserve a break?

Oddly enough I had set up a Twitter account for work and I wrote a quick instaneous blurb about myself that I just read earlier today for the first time since
I had written it. Which in itself was nearly two months ago when I first interviewed for the internship.

But anyways, it leaves me thinking.

"Eclecticly amusing yet whimsically analytical and exhilarating fascinating with a touch of indescribability."

I like it. It was an instantaneous self description - honest - what I want as a part of me.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

• Choose and learn one piano song proficiently by May 7th, 2009, two months from now.

1. Friends Come and Go


2. You Won't Always Get What You Want


3. Many People Will Love You, but Many Will Not


4. Nobody Can Transform Your Life Like You Can


5. You Are Going to Fail


6. Rain Will Sometimes Cancel Play


7. There May Be No Tomorrow


8. Someone Else Will Always Have More


Essence

Live life for the moment
Accept what is, even if things don't go your way
Happiness is here, right now if you stop resisting and start accepting

(Source and Extended Article: Dumb Little Man )

"Your body, mind, and spirit are out of whack because you're not being honest about something." - Quote from Lipstick Jungle

My boyfriend's mother just came into our room simply to give me a mother-daughter hug. It was so sweet and made me feel so much better. She also took Mark and me out to lunch today at this really yummy restaurant and then we went to go get dessert at this awesome cafe. She's such a sweet, wonderful lady. And I'm so ecstatically happy that she likes me.

Since last Saturday night/early Sunday morning, this week has been strenuous. I don't really want to get into any details but it's been beyond difficult. I'm usually not the type of girl to cry, but I've cried every day this week. I can't help myself.

Yesterday is a day that I will never forget.

It seems that the hardest decisions come from not knowing whether or not you're about to make a huge mistake no matter what you decide.